


Unraveling

by Fulcrumisthebomb



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Genre: M/M, Turtlecest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-01
Updated: 2013-03-01
Packaged: 2017-12-04 00:26:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/704366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fulcrumisthebomb/pseuds/Fulcrumisthebomb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raphael knows there's more to his quiet brother than the simple geek he playfully accuses him of being. So why isn't he as close to Donnie as their brothers?</p>
<p>And why does Donnie act so weird when he asks him why?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Don is our glue._

Raphael sank deeper into his perch on the rooftop, Leo's sentence circling his mind endlessly.  They'd fought and yelled not an hour ago, but Raphael had been struck dumb when Leo had let those words slip.

Donnie was angry at him- probably still was, considering he'd lazily watched Donnie piece together the elaborate glass and tubes set-up for _weeks._   Donnie wasn't always the perfectly quiet nerd they accused him of; that was only a joke shared by them all, a light teasing because they each knew what a sleeping dragon their genius brother could be.

And boy had he done it today.  Worse, Donnie had completely blamed _him,_ while Mikey grinned and giggled and got away scot-free because _Raph_ had broken the stuff.  Mike, who _launched_ him into the crazyass experiment, was still at home, drinking sodas and playing games, stretched out on the couch all by himself.

Raphael's teeth grinded together painfully.  He'd been ready to return the favour and throw Donnie into one of his precious machines after the vile, biting insults the little geek had shouted at him for everyone to hear, but Leo had pulled him back and fallen into lecture mode.

_Don is our glue._

Of course, Leo had dropped that little gem, then refused to explain when Raphael pressed him.  Just like him to try to keep that false air of mystery and shit. 

Raphael scratched at his neck irritably.  It had been surprising when _Leo_ himself had suggested he leave the lair to cool off; normally he was latched to his ankles, screaming at him to stay home.

Maybe Leo did want him to think about it?

Raphael growled, a rumbling sound that vibrated in his chest.  Leo was still a bastard, but he might have a point.

Donnie did kinda pick up the slack around the lair, and not just cleaning and chores.  He couldn't count the number of times Mikey laughed a day just because of a private joke or pretended outrage of Donnie's.  And not an evening went by without Donnie joining Leo for meditation, even if it was only a few minutes before he skulked back to his computers.  And Donnie had outlined a whole page in a notebook about how Splinter liked his tea in the mornings just so he could start brewing it for him.

But what did he and Donnie have?

Machines and tinkering, for sure.  He'd been whacked on the head with so many various tools and instruments over the years, usually with Donnie's token gentle smile, other times with true anger, like tonight.  Even when he knew he was in the wrong, a deeply buried part of him liked the attention.

So was that it, then? A few smacks on the head and playfully irritated words through the years was their 'thing'?

He curled further on himself, hugging his arms to his chest. Somehow, that didn't seem enough.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael knows there's more to his quiet brother than the simple geek he playfully accuses him of being. So why isn't he as close to Donnie as their brothers?
> 
> And why does Donnie act so weird when he asks him why?

Raphael slammed his bedroom door closed, his scowl unaffected by Mikey's muffled protest through the wall.  He took a running leap and rolled into his hammock, his anger momentarily soothed by the violent swaying.

He'd taken two weeks to observe his brothers more closely.  It had been more difficult than he'd guessed, too, which was surprising.  He hadn't thought he was so completely set in his ways, but the moment he began paying more attention to them, each of them had given him odd looks and curious questions.

Among the conclusions he'd drawn, he also had to face the fact that they _thought_ he was predictable, at least.  He wasn't sure if he was uncomfortable with that or not yet, but he'd have to ponder over it later.

And as for Donnie, he was definitely closer to their brothers than he was to him.  Raphael sighed, turning over suddenly to smash his nose into the pillow, setting the hammock swinging.  He went down the mental notes he'd made yet again.

When Mikey wasn't goading him into a playfight or trying to sneak caffeine into Leo's tea, Mikey was glued to Donnie. And to Raphael's amazement, he noticed the irritation Donnie displayed at Mikey's antics was nearly always affected; not true ire, as he'd assumed.  Left to his own devices, Donnie wore a familiar thoughtful, almost sad expression; but if Mikey's voice broke through his concentration, that gentle smile curled his mouth and his eyes lit with amusement, even if he didn't turn from his projects.

Likewise, Leo transformed the distracted scientist into their smiling, merry brother at a moment's notice.  It wasn't just the meditation in the evenings, either.  It was the way Donnie looked at Leo, complete and honest and trusting, when they were out on patrol.  Donnie repaired and shared not only books with Leo, like he'd previously thought, but a great deal other things like calendars, that new blue reading lamp, freshly polished candlestick holders, holiday decorations, and even one of those fancy inkwell pens, topped with a feather plucked from Donnie's own pillow. Donnie would bask in Leo's praise, trying to outdo himself with the next recovered treasure.

Unfortunately, his previous estimation of he and Donnie's own relationship was dead on.  They actually hung out in the garage fairly often, passing tools and anecdotes and general silliness.  But that delighted sparkle was missing from Donnie's eyes unless he caught him off-guard with a joke or sarcastic comment.  It was there, sometimes, but only briefly; a tiny spark that would flare and disappear just as rapidly.

Beyond the garage, their paths rarely crossed.  They sat across from each other at the table, with Mikey dividing his attention between him and Donnie, and Leo doing his best to ignore them and eat in peace.  When he wasn't pressing his nose to a computer screen or elbow-deep in machine guts, Donnie was on the couch playing games with Mikey- or watching him play against Leo and egging them on.  Barring that, he was in the dojo meditating with Leo, or painting with Splinter, or finally getting a few hour's sleep.

None of Donnie's free time was spent willingly with him, even when Raphael began asking him to do this or that.  In fact, he got the wide, curious eyes and eventually the oddly strained questions as to _why_ he was asking to spend time with Donnie- and the implying comments that Raphael had never wanted to before.

In a way, Donnie was probably right; Raphael had always _wanted_ to spend more time with him, but there was some unspoken rule that he couldn't.... So it _appeared_ he didn't.

Raphael _hated_ following rules if he could help it.

Next point of attack was figuring out why that restriction was there in the first place.  Logically, he knew part of it was his fault; relationships were between two people, and each carried the fault of any problem, no matter how small.

He sighed noisily through his mouth, his shoulders drooping as he forced himself to release some of his physical tension.  He'd press Leo into making the grocery run tomorrow night and fake a headache or something to get out of it.  Mikey always went shopping so he could beg and pester Leo for his junk food, so that would get them safely away for a few hours.

And then he could corner Donnie and get his answers, no matter what.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael knows there's more to his quiet brother than the simple geek he playfully accuses him of being. So why isn't he as close to Donnie as their brothers?
> 
> And why does Donnie act so weird when he asks him why?

He finally found Donnie tucked away in the back of the lab, so intent on whatever he was doing he didn't look up when Raphael walked in.  Raphael purposefully kicked the leg of a table on his way over, grinning when Donnie's head tilted up, immediately glowering at him.

"Oi, don't tell me you're getting as clumsy as Mikey," Donnie sniffed, eyes narrowed, though a brow was arched sarcastically.

"Oh geez, don't insult me," Raphael scoffed back.  He frowned when Donnie just snorted and settled further in his chair, his hands picking at a computer chip.  Sighing deeply, he dragged a chair next to Donnie and sat.  And waited.

It was a good five minutes before Donnie glanced up, his expression furrowed with concern.  "Do you need something, Raph?"

"Do I need a reason to sit with ya?"

Donnie blinked at him, then slowly swiveled his gaze back to the table.  "No, of course not. But you usually do?  No offense."

Raphael shifted guiltily in his seat.  "'Kay, ya got a point.  An' yeah, I got a reason.  We need to talk."

Donnie tossed him a triumphant smile that quickly melted as his words sank in.  "About what?"

"You an' me.  Why we don't hang out like ya do with Leo and Mikey."  Raphael swallowed hard, trying to not sound as jealous as he felt.  "It's just you laugh and joke and spend yer free time with them.  But we don't do stuff together.  Not anythin' that ain't work or trainin'.  Why, Don?"  He leaned forward slightly, crowding his brother against the wall.  "Look, you don't gotta say somethin' just to make me happy. I've been thinking 'til my brain hurts tryin' to figure out this out, and I couldn't come up with anythin'.  I wanna know why you think we ain't close."

Donnie was still staring at the electronics in his hands, and the silence stretched into thirty seconds, a minute. Raphael noted the way his breathing had changed, his chest moving in a rapid and uneven staccato.  His knuckles had paled from the tight grip on the computer chip.

Raphael's stomach knotted with the uncertainty.  Whatever the answer would be, it didn't look good.  But at least he'd _know._   He'd know why that rare flash of closeness would never become more, would never last.

When Donnie finally spoke, it was in a whisper so low he had to lean in further to hear.

"It's hard to be around you."

"Why?" Raphael demanded.  He touched Donnie's arm, trying to get him to look up, but his brother's head remained bowed.

"I can't be myself around you," Donnie replied, his voice strained.  "I can't... We're just not close, and that's the way it is, Raph.  It's been that way for years."

Raphael bit back several questions, trying to decide which to ask first.  "So? Okay, maybe it's been like that. But that don't mean it's gotta stay like that, right?  I-," Raphael huffed softly, "I don't wanna just be yer brother."

Donnie's head snapped up so quickly his neck popped.  "What do you mean?"

"I wanna be your _friend,_ Donnie," Raphael sighed, motioning between them.  To his surprise, Donnie sighed and dropped his head again.

"I'm sorry, Raph."  His voice was low again.  "What we have is all we'll ever have."

"Well I don't accept that!" Raphael snarled, tugging insistently on Donnie's arm, scowling with Donnie drew away from him as if burned.

"Fine! Don't! But that's the way it is," Donnie snapped back.  "Argue all you want, but it will get you nowhere."

Unfortunately, Raphael believed _that._   Donnie had a stubborn streak as long and wide as him; he just didn't display it as often.

But that just meant he wasn't giving up.

"'Kay, be a little dick about this if ya wanna," Raphael said as he stood, pleased he sounded confident. "But I ain't lettin' it go."  He grinned as a thought struck him.  "Yer gonna like bein' around me even if I have to _force_ ya."

Donnie visibly shivered, and Raphael took a step toward him to pat his shell.  "Hey.  Hey, I was just jokin', y'know-,"

"C-Could you leave?"  Donnie's words were barely heard, and stoked the pit of fire in Raphael's stomach again.

"I don't get it, Donnie," Raphael fumed, "Why can't we-,"

" _Please?!_ "

" _Fine!_ "  Raphael kicked his chair and stormed toward the exit.  He whipped the door open, pausing briefly to glance over his shoulder.  Donnie hadn't moved, pressed against the wall, bent over the table, his head bowed. Like he was a puppy he had just kicked, and damned if he knew _why._

"Still ain't givin' up," Raphael informed him, then slammed the door.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael knows there's more to his quiet brother than the simple geek he playfully accuses him of being. So why isn't he as close to Donnie as their brothers?
> 
> And why does Donnie act so weird when he asks him why?

Unfortunately, Raphael's confrontation with Donnie had only left him with more questions.  He replayed the conversation over and over again in his mind, picking out details of his brother's admittedly puzzling body language.  Nothing fit together; he couldn't come up with a plausible scenario that explained why Donnie's anger had flared, why he had taken Raphael's tease so harshly.

It drove him mad trying to come up with something, anything that fit Donnie's rejection.

In turn, he drove his brothers crazy, and he felt mildly guilty about that.  His mind wasn't on training, and he suffered several minor wounds from Leo's unerring kicks, which earned him a few nasty glares and choice words from his elder brother.  Mikey easily pinned him whenever he coaxed him into a fight; Raphael's attention was zeroed in on Donnie every waking moment now.

He could tell Donnie was faking his normalcy; the telltale signs of his tail twitching as he told a white lie to Leo, or his obvious excuses to pardon himself from Mikey's company.  Not only had Raphael rocked the boat between them, but between Donnie and his brothers, as well.   _That_ also didn't fit into any equation he could figure.

Leo and Mikey noticed something was up a day later; Donnie wasn't subtle about avoiding Raphael completely, which had Leo frowning and Mikey asking brusque questions with his disarming smile.  Raphael blew them both off; there was no way he was going to bring _them_ into this.  Donnie's favourites.  Donnie's _pets._

The more he thought about it, the more his anger grew.  And three days after talking to Donnie, he couldn't stand being in the lair anymore.  Once again Leo watched him leave with dark, impassive eyes, this time giving silent permission, adding a layer of bafflement to the rage boiling inside him.

So he found himself in the same hiding place as he was days ago, once again pondering Leo's words.

_Don is our glue._

Well he sure wasn't right now, Raphael thought sourly.  Donnie was having an exclusive pity party that he wasn't invited to. Why?  Why had he reacted so strongly to Raphael's questions?

He dropped his chin to his chest as he leaned back against the cool brick.  Strong reactions.  That meant whatever was going on in wonder boy's head was a strong reaction, too.  Which meant.. Which meant..

Raphael growled, smacking his head against the wall to try to jumpstart his thinking.  It meant something important.  Donnie's bowed head.  That deathgrip on the chip. The odd shiver.  The hopeful- yes, it had been hopeful?- look he'd given him.  Strong reactions.  They were pretty extreme, especially for Donnie.

His eyes snapped open.   _Extreme._   Yes.  That was it.  Donnie was reacting harshly to Raphael's question.  Because he felt about them to- to an extreme.  And the only two extremes he could think of were hate and love.

Raphael could _feel_ himself blanch under his dark skin, and he hugged his knees to his chest.  Was that it?  Did Donnie hate him so much?  He couldn't believe that, he _couldn't._   Not when they'd shared those short, happy moments when they really connected.  Not when Donnie had given him that eager glance.

That look...

Oh hell.

He quickly rewound the conversation through his mind, not aware he was gripping the roof tiles hard enough to bend his nails, that his breathing was ragged and loud.  If he put this new spin on the talk, it sounded _horrible_ from Donnie's point of view.

_Oh shit shit shit shit._

He leapt from the roof, pounding his feet into the tiles to carry him home.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael knows there's more to his quiet brother than the simple geek he playfully accuses him of being. So why isn't he as close to Donnie as their brothers?
> 
> And why does Donnie act so weird when he asks him why?

Donnie was safely sandwiched between their brothers on the couch when Raphael stormed into the lair.  All three began protesting when Raphael stepped in front of them, blocking the TV.

"Get up, wonder boy."

Even at the direct command, Donnie wouldn't quite meet his gaze.  His eyes were hovering somewhere over his shoulder, and Raphael frowned as he leaned down to lock a hand around his wrist.  His brother planted his feet on the floor, trying to resist the mighty tug and failed.

"Raph-," Leo growled in warning, but Raphael leveled a glare at him as he ushered Donnie toward the hallway.

"Relax, Fearless. Ya can come _rescue_ him if we ain't out in ten minutes."

"Raph, _let me go,_ " Donnie insisted, trying to peel Raphael's fingers away with his free hand.

"Sorry, genius," he snapped back.  "You an' me are gonna talk for real this time."

Raphael grunted when Donnie suddenly became dead weight, his heels digging into the concrete.  The chocolate eyes went wide, finally staring back at him.

"No!  No, that's over and done with, Raph-,"

"Like fuck it is," Raphael snorted.  He slipped his hand down to grab Donnie's elbow instead, giving him more leverage for pulling him forward and into the garage.  The few seconds had given Donnie time to compose himself, and the glower he leveled at him now would've wilted lesser men.

"Throwing and ordering me around is not only inconsiderate, but it's not exactly a pleasant manner to facilitate communication."

"Maybe not, but it got ya away from yer minions," Raphael grinned evilly.  He planted his feet in a wide stance in front of the door, arching a brow for emphasis.

Donnie snorted and turned his back to Raphael, walking away quickly. He grabbed a wrench from a table as he passed it.

"Ya can't ignore me anymore, Donnie."  Raphael stomped after him, grabbing his arm to halt him.  "I ain't gonna let ya."

Donnie didn't reply, sending another silent stare.

Raphael could've sworn his chest plates suddenly felt two sizes too small, and he had to clear his throat before he could speak again.  "Do you hate me, Donnie?  Is that it?"

Sighing, Donnie let Raphael pivot him to face each other.  "Just because of our previous conversation doesn't mean-,"  He gasped when Raphael knocked the wrench from his hand and grabbed his shoulders, shaking him lightly.

"Stop complicatin' it, Donnie," Raphael said through gritted teeth. "Do. You. Hate. Me."

"No, Raph."  Donnie shook his head slowly, his gaze slipping to the floor.  "No, of course I d-,"

" _Doyouloveme?_ " Raphael blurted, shaking him again roughly.

Donnie froze, guilty eyes lifting to his, and something inside Raphael twisted- not unpleasantly, either.  "Wh-What?  What are you talking about?  Where did you get such-,"

Raphael's grip tightened as he bit his lower lip.  His stomach nearly flopped over itself in anticipation. "That ain't a no."

"I am _not_ going to have this conversation," Donnie said stiffly, his expression shuttering in an infuriating imitation of Leo.  Apparently meditation wasn't the only thing Leo had been teaching him.

"I ain't fuckin' around here, Don."  Raphael stepped forward, their noses mere inches apart. "Either ya hate me or love me, an' ya just said ya don't hate me. Don't- Don't gimme a reason to believe ya hate me."  He wished he had a clear view of Donnie's backside; hopefully his tail wasn't twitching with lies.

Donnie's steely eyes bravely met his challenge.  "Do you even realize how utterly inappropriate your insinuation is?"

And there was Donnie's defense mechanism.  Bigger words and avoiding answering at all costs.

Which meant-

Raphael swallowed hard, his skin blossoming with an unusual warmth. "Donnie, don't shut me out. Just tell it to me straight this time, please. No matter what, I'm yer brother, and I always will be. But like I said before..."  He swallowed again, his throat dry.  "I told ya I ain't happy _just_ bein' yer brother."

Donnie's resolve melted, his shoulders slumping as the fear crept back to light his eyes.  "C-Can we sit down?"

Raphael immediately dropped to the floor, sitting cross-legged and staring up at him expectantly.  Despite his obvious nerves, Donnie began laughing as he settled beside him.

"Now talk," Raphael said, though his tone was softer.  Donnie's chuckles had set off another wave of that proud pleasure.

"It started three years ago-,"

"What's 'it'?" Raphael asked curiously, then blocked Donnie's punch.

"Let me explain!" Donnie scowled, and Raphael nodded rapidly.  "I- I realized fairly quickly what my feelings meant when it wasn't enough to just sit by you, or talk to you about machines.  I was wanting more, and I was nervous but determined."

Raphael's mouth opened, then snapped shut when Donnie glared at him.

"But then I began paying attention," Donnie sighed.  "You were always pointing out women on TV, you went through the round of having a crush on April.  And I found your stash of porn and it was either heterosexual or lesbian."

"That's all Casey had!" Raphael exclaimed, shrugging helplessly.

"And I just- The more I thought about it, the more afraid I became, until I'd gone so many rounds in my head I was convinced you'd say no, or worse, you'd feel weird around me thereafter.  And I- The more I thought about it-,"  Donnie looked down at his hands, wringing them in his lap. "I knew I couldn't live with- No. I didn't _want_ to live with the rejection. It will destroy a part of me I've hidden for so long."  His eyes flickered up to Raphael's, his mouth curling in a wry smile.  "No pressure."

Raphael grinned back, excited to see the twinkle of patented Donnie sarcasm peeking through such a serious conversation.  "'Kay. Go on."

"I was honest, when we talked before," Donnie said urgently, his brow furrowing.  "I can't be myself around you, because otherwise I would- I would be a lot more affectionate and- and clingy.  Possessive, even, given the right circumstances.  So I distanced myself from you and enjoyed your company as much as I could allow myself."

"That ain't fair, y'know," Raphael frowned, sighing when Donnie winced slightly.  "Well it ain't.  Ya just assumed I'd say no."

"You're right; it's not fair."  Donnie nodded once, his eyes miserable.  "But I had- well, _have_ myself convinced the pain of not being close to you is better than the pain of rejection and scrutiny."

Raphael sat back, rocking the base of his shell against the floor.  "Well, ya ain't getting rejected outright, 'kay?"

The fear flooded Donnie's face again, and Raphael's heart tugged painfully.  "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I ain't thought of you- or any guy, for that matter- like this," Raphael said, trying to sound as casual as possible.  "But that don't mean I ain't open to thinkin' about it."

"I'm not suggesting we have sex right here on the garage floor," Donnie said exasperatedly. "I want much more than a physical relationship with you."

Raphael couldn't resist another proud smile.  And here he'd been so worried that Donnie was fawning over Leo or Mikey.  Donnie had chosen _him_ a long time ago.  "Then let's try it."

"R-Really?"  Donnie's eyes narrowed suspiciously.  "If you're just saying that because I-,"

"I mean it, an' ya know I fuckin' hate it when you second-guess me."

"I'm not trying to irritate you, I just want to know why," Donnie grumbled.

"Huh. Funny, I came to you just a few days ago, sayin' the same thing," Raphael smirked, and he had to duck another, stronger punch.  "Alright.  Look, right now, I know I wanna get closer to ya. Honestly, I dunno how close, but I wanna see where it goes."  He took a deep breath, then grinned.  "An' I'm already gettin' jealous of you spendin' time with Leo or Mikey.  Like, really jealous. That's good, right?"

Donnie surged forward, nearly rocking him back on his shell as his brother's arms locked around his neck. "A chance.  A _chance,_ " Donnie breathed in his ear.  "Thank you, Raphie."

Raphael cleared his throat, too happy at Donnie's reaction to consider his next words much.  "Why don't'cha try thankin' me properly."

Neither of them should've been very surprised when a moment later their brothers stumbled in on them kissing.


End file.
